10 Signs That a Movie Is Going to Totally Suck

Excited about Annoying Orange: The Movie hitting theaters this weekend? If so, shame on you because this movie doesn’t actually exist. At least not yet. And let’s never hope it does. But it probably will. See, Hollywood is always finding ways to serve us up a lame pile of doo-doo. But fortunately, there are plenty of telltale signs that an upcoming movie should be avoided at all costs. In fact, we’ve come up with a list of 10 of them. Enjoy!

1. It’s Based on a Video Game
The video game and movie are two separate mediums, intended to be enjoyed in entirely different ways. With video games, you are an active participant who gets to kill zombies and involve yourself in fun strategies. By contrast, with movies, you sit back, relax and enjoy the show. This is why it makes absolutely no sense to combine the two. Video games can have a loose plot, but when turned into a movie the studio must stick to a linear plot, and often change backstories for the beloved video game characters in order for it to make sense in the context of the film.

2. The Studio Interferes With the Movie
Directors should have significant freedom to shape the movie as they wish. After all, it is their vision. This is why it is always a bad sign when a studio full of stuffy, middle-aged executives get involved and dictates the direction of the movie. It’s usually done with the intention of creating a franchise to build sequels around, which means it comes at the expense of an actual plot.

3. It Features a Super Aggressive Marketing Campaign
Let’s face it. If a movie is really good, there’s no reason to worry about whether audiences will fill up the theater seats. But if a movie is lame, studios will do everything possible to trick enough people into coming on opening weekend before the negative reviews and word of mouth doom it. This means using flashy billboards and flooding the airwaves with commercials and trailers… and most likely spoiling the plot along the way. Not that anybody cares.

4. It Contains Terrible Casting Choices
When a movie features actors you had almost forgotten about or entire casts who have all been known for starring in really lame movies in the past, it is a sure guarantee that anything they’re releasing now is going to be equally bad.