I want to get mimosas with all these animals.

KOMODO DRAGONS

For reasons that make no logical sense, female Komodo dragons are capable of virgin births. You read that right: They don't require the male's scaly 'modo meat to reproduce. In completely unrelated news I'm applying to become a Komodo dragon — if you have any contacts at their office please lmk.

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FREAKIN’ ELEPHANTS

FREAKIN' ELEPHANTS

Each elephant herd is led by the oldest female, known as the matriarch. This means if there were an elephant herd made up of Hollywood actors, their leader would be Betty White. And no system that puts Betty White in charge is a bad system. Go elephants. Go elephants.

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SEAHORSES

It's the male seahorse that carries the fertilized lil' seahorsie eggs to term and eventually delivers them into the world. [Glares at human males] MUST BE NICE.

Adam_lazar / Getty Images

ZEBRA FINCHES

When the female zebra finch pairs up with a genetically less-than-perfect male, she'll add extra testosterone to the egg to make up for his lack thereof. It's the biological equivalent of screaming “JUST LET ME DO IT.”

Jamezwuz / Getty Images

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