10 Foods To Eat (If Your Goal Is To Get Super Fat!)

Guys, most of us dream of getting into good shape. Of course, based on all the studies that show that obesity is on the rise, the six-packs and healthy body weight will remain just that: a dream. But we’ve come up with a novel idea: what if you’re within the normal range but actually want to gain an extra chin or two and fit into those XXXL shirts? Then this article is just for you! Here is a list of ten foods that help you reach your goal of getting really large in just a few months.

1. Processed Foods
Say, are you into complex industrial methods of cooking? We’re talking about all those weird preservatives and chemicals that they add to bread to make it soft and last for weeks. Or all that stuff that they put into lunch meats. If you’re looking to pack on some real non-quality pounds, seek out crackers, cookies, Fruit Roll-ups, and any food that contains ridiculous amounts of sodium and fat, and strips out all of the good things like fiber.

2. Sugary Drinks
If you want to look one step closer to Jabba the Hutt, might we suggest chugging a few bottles of soda? Two liters of Pepsi or Coke contains just as many calories as one and a half Big Macs. Oh, and by drinking Mountain Dew or Fanta Orange, not only are they loaded with sugar, you can also get your dose of brominated vegetable oil, which is pretty much just as scary as it sounds. If you live in places like Japan or Europe, we have some bad news. Unlike in America and Canada, brominated vegetable oil is banned there because of its potential health risks. Just one more reason to visit America, right?

3. Peanut Butter
A spoonful of peanut butter on whole grain toast is actually a healthy option for breakfast. But for the purposes of this article, healthy is not the goal. So give in to your temptation and just eat the entire jar, guys. It contains over 2,600 calories (30% above the recommended daily intake) and 224 grams of fat. It’s the perfect compliment to an evening of binge watching an entire season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

4. Donuts
Goodness. Where to even begin with this? Donuts are bleached white flour deep fried in vegetable oil, coated in sugar and a variety of sweet goo, and filled with cream. Oh, it’s so good though. Some people have a donut before they go to work, but our advice is to eat at least a dozen Long Johns and head straight back to bed.